People Will Never Forget These 71 Things Their Therapists Told Them As They Were Life-Changing

Effective therapists don’t necessarily provide instant cures for mental struggles. Instead, they help people reframe thoughts more favorably through words of wisdom that may leave a lasting impact. 

These words are a huge deal for patients whose lives have improved. Some are opening up in this Reddit thread that asks, “What’s one thing a therapist has said to you that you will never forget?”

One person shared their renewed perspective on the concept of family. Another individual received one of the most unique and eye-opening pieces of advice about letting go of ill feelings. 

Whether or not you’ve been to therapy, you may pick up a thing or two just by reading these responses. Scroll through, and hopefully, you do take something valuable with you.

#1

"You're a people pleaser. And, aren't you a people? So,when is it YOUR turn?"

Image credits: Darkm0or

#2

A therapist once told me, "You don’t have to fix everything at once. Just start somewhere." It helped me let go of the pressure to be perfect and focus on small steps. It made the bigger issues feel less overwhelming.

Image credits: ReporterFamous3631

#3

"You have family, it just looks different." I learned to ignore my blood relatives and call my friends my chosen family. I have the best family now :)

Image credits: ImAnActionBirb

#4

“you can be alone, and that’s ok. if only one person ever loves you, even if that person is you, it is enough.”

Image credits: milo-fischer

#5

“Just because someone is trying their best that doesn’t mean it’s okay.”

For context we were discussing a family member who just sucks at communicating; he often just ignores me, makes no attempts to get to know me as I am now, is generally just not a great family member. He’s trying his best, but it’s not good enough. I don’t have to act like it is.

Image credits: myrtlebarracuda

#6

There is a difference between “I don’t want to live anymore “ and “I don’t want to live LIKE THIS anymore” - yup, Mrs. Kim, you were right and I’m still around!

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#7

She once told me “you don’t have to earn rest”. It hit me hard because I always felt I had to accomplish a certain amount or be productive before I could relax. Hearing that made me realize it’s okay to just be, and that rest is a right, not a reward. It really changed how I approach self-care and balance in my life.

21st century hustle culture is toxic.

Image credits: cainebacon

#8

"You can't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm"

Image credits: Iamjackstinynipples

#9

There comes a time when you have to transition from being your son's manager to his consultant.

Image credits: kokaneeranger

#10

"Notice the feelings, like leaves on a river. Call them what they are, then let them go, let them float down the river past you. Don't judge yourself for having them, and don't engage with them. Simply acknowledge them, let them go, and move on."

I remember these words vividly because it's a coping strategy I use almost every day.

Image credits: obligated_existence

#11

When you get married, realize that you’re marrying multiple people. Who you are and who your spouse is today isn’t going to be who they are 10-15 years from now.

Changed the way I view a lot of discussions with my partner ever since.

Image credits: Thetravelingpants97

#12

Think of past me and future me as completely different people. My decisions today don’t affect me. Because the me that makes those decisions will be gone - past me. Future me, a different person, has to live with the consequences. So treat that person with love and respect and don’t put him in bad or awkward situations.

Image credits: BizarroMax

#13

My therapist and I were discussing how I felt about a pretty deep betrayal from my now ex-wife. I was beating myself up for not seeing how bad she really was when there was plenty of evidence. He wrote down something on his yellow notepad and then held it up right in my face, practically touching my nose.

He said "what's that say?"

I couldn't read it; it was too close to my face. Stepping back from it a bit, it could read it said "you're too close to see it." He was right. I was too close to the problems and the situation to have been able to see it where in retrospect it was so obvious. I stopped beating myself up over it and was able to let it go.

Image credits: flutter_quirkzz

#14

She asked if there was anything I wanted to do in my life that I no longer thought I could do. I told her that I wanted to go to law school but that was no longer in the cards for me. She said, “you know that you can still go to law school right? No one has to give you permission.”

I’ll be graduating with my JD in May of next year.
I doubt she understands the true impact of her simple statement that day.

Image credits: sethscoolwife

#15

“You show up for other people because no one ever showed up for you, and you don’t ever want anyone else to feel that pain.”

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#16

Depression doesn’t have to be sadness or the lack of happiness. It could come in the form of unresolved anger. Made me reframe a lot of what I was trying to fix.

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#17

“You’ve brought up how Chipotle sending you just a bowl of beans in a DoorDash order has affected you 9 times in your last 25 visits. I believe you may be autistic.”

Spoiler: I’m autistic.

Image credits: FiestaRaquel

#18

"maybe the reason it's so hard to believe your significant other loves you is because it's the first time in your life you've ever experienced unconditional love"

Image credits: maddirbri

#19

I had talked recently about my inability to find a partner because I’m looking for XYZ and “not a lot of women fit what I’m looking for.”

She paused for a minute and asked me “well…what kind of partner do YOU want to be?”

Blew my mind. Completely changed my approach to dating.

Image credits: VikingRodeo9

#20

For me, it was a time I was talking about how self-conscious I was when dating and what that other person thought of me. She told me "You're so focused on whether that person would like you, that you don't even realize if you even like them back".

Image credits: CardiologistThen4916

#21

Let’s pretend that everyone says exactly what they mean. Don’t try to figure out the subtext. Take it at face value. Believe them.

Image credits: FutureGhost24

#22

"Of course you're anxious. You're an introvert, and a natural leader. They're not mutually exclusive."

Effing nailed the root of my problem. I'd worked so long in sales learning to be chatty I forgot how much I like being alone.

Image credits: Pookajuice

#23

“You don’t have to be perfect to be good enough.” That really changed how I see myself and my struggles. It stuck with me.

Image credits: romantic_women_

#24

"Depression is in the past. Anxiety is in the future. Stay in the present."

It sounds so simple but really hit hard given what I was going through.

Image credits: katosucks

#25

I was telling my psychiatrist about my worries and fears that kept me up at night for the past several years.

Psych :
When did these thoughts begin?

Me:
“Probably for the past 15 years”

Psych:
“And in 15 years of sleepless nights, how many of these things have actually occurred and you had to take care of them?”

Me: “Not a single one”

Psych: “Then why not wait to deal with it when it actually happens?”

The simplicity of that statement was almost childish, but it really made me realize that I was worrying for no reason and I was able to stop that behavior.

Image credits: TahoeMoon

#26

“If you make an intentional, well thought-out decision, how someone else responds to it is none of your business” 

I didn’t believe him for years. 

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#27

"I believe you"

Most of the time I don't believe me. To have her say that, to be seen as who I am, brought tears to my eyes.

Image credits: Canuck_Voyageur

#28

*You seem to view all your parenting decisions as needing to be a 100% success. It's okay to make decisions that turn out to be 80% success or 90% success.*

This actually helped me a lot as I was paralyzed with indecision and anxiety any time I had to make a decision that would moderately or significantly impact my kids.

Image credits: ColdFIREBaker

#29

"You can’t control how others treat you, but you can control how long you allow it." That really stuck with me because it shifted the way I approached toxic relationships and situations.

Image credits: Sarki_sultan

#30

“The urge to binge lasts 7 minutes”. 

I struggled with binge eating disorder for 20 years and finally sought help last January. I would get the urge to binge around the same time every night, around 9:30. I bought a little sudoku book from the dollar store and played for 10 minutes every time I got the urge to binge. 

Obviously, it took a lot more than that statement for me to begin my recovery, and those 7 minutes were absolutely grueling for the first few months, but I can proudly say I’ve been binge-free since February 1st, 2023. 

Image credits: MCSweatpants

#31

"unspoken expectations of others are just future resentments"

Edit: This quote suggesting that you stop expecting things from others. It just means that if you do have expectations of others it's your responsibility to make the other person aware of them.

For example. If you expect your husband to clean the dishes after you've cooked dinner but you never voice those expectations to him then eventually you will resent him for not doing it. People need to be taught how we would like them to be our friends. Then it's up to them if they want to do those things are not.

#32

That child that was never loved or acknowledged is still waiting, not on your parents but on you. You are her parent now. Will you ignore her, not love her, not value her, and not find her worthy as well? You decide if she thrives or survives. Your parents let her down. Will you do the same?

#33

“When you stop making yourself small, some people will no longer fit in your life.”

#34

Therapist: “If you were my client while you were a minor i would have absolutely called child services.”
Me: “What? Why? They weren’t perfect, but it’s not like they were abusing me.”
Therapist (after a brief pause): “Not all abuse leaves bruises that others can see.”

#35

Not my therapist, but my psychiatrist: "There's nothing I can prescribe you to make your job not suck."


Also: "I got my first 1-star review recently, and I thought of you."

#36

The path the nerves laid out for the original pain are well worn highways now. The most minor stimulation in the area will send a small message down this huge highway and make you think it hurts more than it does.

You can train your brain to realize this is happening and practice your mind into believing the pain isn’t as bad as it is, because it really isn’t.

#37

"Have you ever considered maybe you're not very good at your job?" She was right. Found a new career.

#38

They challenged me to answer why I kept getting into relationships with people who are likely to be enter a co-dependent relationship with me (bad mental health, physical health issues ect). I ended up coming to the conclusion that it’s easier to avoid having to deal with my own issues if I spend my time dealing with somebody else’s.

#39

“Your self confidence will fluctuate day to day, maybe even minute to minute. That’s transient. But what doesn’t fluctuate is your knowledge, your training, your intelligence and intellect. Those things stay consistent and improve with time. Don’t put too much stock in your self confidence being a measure of how competent you are. Trust in the other things that are consistent and concrete.”

#40

“They’ll get over it.” We were discussing setting boundaries, and how hard it was for me to say no. People would be mad if I said no, I told her. “So?” she said. “They’ll be mad.” When I just stared at her, not comprehending, she went on with that pearl of wisdom: they’ll get over it. I thought of all the times I’d been upset with people and had had to get over it, and realized she was right. Even the person whose anger I feared the most would get over it, in time. The first time I said no was hard. I fretted about it and the other person’s reaction for a while. It got easier, though, and now I have no trouble at all.

#41

Today my therapist spoke out loud to the “part” of me that is depression, thanked it for doing its best to keep me safe, but that it’s time for a new job now because we’re healing now. We’re working on what that job could be. Maybe reminding me to rest.

#42

"just because everyone in your class pretends to be depressed, that doesn't mean you have to pretend to be depressed too"

#43

"When I first read your file I thought for sure I'd see a long history of dysfunctional relationships, violent crime and prison time. Instead you've managed to turn into a relatively normal person. I see 5 different traumas from your childhood, any one of which would be enough to have derailed the life of most people. The fact that you're relatively normal is actually a testament to you as a good person."

Made me cry. Hard to say to people "sure I'm messed up, but at least I deserve some credit for not being anywhere near as messed up as I could be" and have them understand. It was nice to be seen and understood by someone.

#44

“You’re whole life you had to fight to prove yourself to the people around you and now you’re just tired”

#45

This helped me with my mother

She said just because she said it doesn't mean it's true

That set me free

#46

One thing a therapist once said to me that I’ll never forget is: “You’re allowed to feel how you feel, even if you don’t have all the answers right now.” It stuck with me because I often felt the need to immediately fix or rationalize my emotions instead of just sitting with them. That statement made me realize it’s okay to not have everything figured out and that emotions themselves are valid, even without clear explanations. It was freeing to understand that I didn’t need to solve everything at once.

#47

Your over functioning is allowing their under functioning. In relation to my kids and what I was asking them to do around the house. She asked me if I wanted to release adults into the world who were under functioning humans. Nope! Next day started with chores and responsibilities and everyone is happier

#48

You've come a long way since we met. You used to have your hair over your eyes and never made eye contact. Bless you Helen.

#49

That I’m a narcissist. It really helped bring it to light and made it easier to make choices that don’t align with that and helped me be a better person.

#50

“you didn’t deserve what you went through as a child and you also don’t deserve to blame yourself for things that happen that are out of your control” burst into tears hearing that

#51

I recently turned 37. About 2 years ago, I started therapy for one reason, but we migrated to my anxiety and depression.

One day, my therapist told me about breathing techniques... which I knew about. But she had a child patient who would say, "smell the flowers... blow out the candles..." as in, breathe in through your nose and out of your mouth. It was the sweetest thing... it also makes me wonder where this little girl is now since she was in therapy at such a young age. I hope she's doing better. I never met her, just heard this one story... but I think of her often and want all the good things for her. ?

#52

“Your mind is not your boss; you are the boss of your mind!”

#53

My therapist accidentally word for word said my definition of love to me without realizing it when pressed for time at the end of a session and trying to explain how to love myself properly. honestly changed my life. made me realize that i wasnt caring for myself as much as I would even a stranger.

#54

When I get overwhelmed I get this lump in my throat that feels like it makes me physically unable to speak. I started to get that feeling, and my therapist goes “what’s this? What do you feel here?” And pointed to the bottom of her throat where I have that physical feeling. And it was mind blowing that someone could just see it and understand what I was feeling without me having to say anything. It’s always been so hard to explain my whole life.

#55

I'd been struggling with depression and got referred to a psychiatrist, who didn't really help, all he sort of discovered was a mild fear of flying. After about 6 months, I stopped going. A few months later, still down quite a bit, I went to a councilor - she nailed it in 10 minutes.

She said - You blame your mother for your parents splitting up.

I nearly fell over when I realized she was right.

#56

Paraphrasing as I can't remember the exact wording so much as the fact that I was surprised to see her crying after I finished telling her why I was there: "You just sound so defeated, like you've given up." I was in high school.

Fun fact: I don't remember the incident itself, but I do remember this happening on one other occasion with a different therapist and thinking "I can't believe this has happened to me twice now." (this = witnessing a therapist/counselor crying while I'm awkwardly sitting in their office)

#57

“You don’t have x, you have y, and that’s a great thing because x means a lifetime of meds, with y- we can work on it. It’ll be bloody difficult, but we can work on things”

#58

She made(asked) me sit at a park and look at the children at a playground and asked me how could I at that age of done anything to deserve the abuse. I was in a space where I felt I was to blame somehow. I will never forget my rage at realizing I was a baby.

#59

Would you speak to your son the way you talk to yourself?

#60

Once during a crisis i had a therapist literally pour me a glass of wine before noon.

#61

So I was doing behaviroal therapy after I dropped out of college and was listing all the accumulated trauma in my life wich prevents me from motivating myself from doing anything.

My therapist looked at me for a few silent seconds and said "that sounds like a great excuse for being lazy and smoking weed all day"

Turned out I really needed to here that hard truth from someone who was otherwise a very kind and empathetic individual.

It made me realize that I couldn't honor the loss of a loved one by being a lethargic bum and gave me the strength to snap out of my (psychological) weed addiction.

#62

My most recent therapist: "You're the smartest patient I have, and I'm not sure that's a good thing."

My first therapist though, she was the best. During my first appointment I kinda gave my childhood overview, and at one point she stopped me and went: "...wait wait wait. You're telling me all this, and NO ONE ever told you to go to therapy before?" I was 26 years old and had a really rough childhood emotionally from about the age of six. My folks had a super messy divorce that f****d me up for a while, and my dad didn't "believe in therapy." As he would say later: "I thought if you didn't talk about it then you wouldn't think about it."

#63

Your husband is a narcissist and you should leave him. I ended up divorcing him within two years of our marriage.

#64

She said "most of the problems that exist between couples revolve around differing, uncommunicated expectations of the future"

I find it's very accurate.

#65

“It’s good to know where you’re at. But it’s even better to know that deep down you have the power to change” it hasn’t happened yet, but I’m trying!

#66

Just today she said "It sounds like you're doing a lot of the hard work on your own. You've been through a lot and you're still trying and I'm in awe of that."

#67

My couples counselor when I was doing out 1 on 1 session.

In reference to me stating that I was scared to leave because I thought I couldn't find better. Aka someone who wouldn't abuse me, essentially.

"Her being nice to you, caring for your family, and then that's where it ends, is the bare minimum. You absolutely will find that again, and you deserve to want more."

#68

She asked me if I missed family. I responded with “you can’t miss something you never had”

She replied with, “tell that to the little girl inside of you”

#69

You only have to worry about the NEXT right thing. One decision at a time.

#70

I told him: "*I'm a good boyfriend, I'm a good employee, I'm a good friend, and I'm a good son. If I can be great at those things, I feel like I would be much happier.*"

He responded: "*A good boyfriend is what you are to your partner, a good employee is what you are to your boss, a good friend is what you are to your friends, and a good son is what you are to your parents. What are you to yourself?"*

Completely changed my perspective on life. I had been so caught up in pleasing everyone around me, that I lost myself in the process.

#71

About my boss who was awful: “When you have to speak with her face-to-face, picture her with enormous yellow clown shoes.”

That advice helped me for two years until I found a better job.