“[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Family Our ‘Birthday Club’ Isn’t A Debt Collection Service?”

Birthdays are fun because they’re the one day a person can bask in attention from their friends and loved ones, while also being showered with gifts. The flip side is that sometimes giving presents feels like a chore that other people simply can’t opt out of.

This is what a woman felt because her family had started a club to collect money for people’s birthdays, but eventually, they turned into debt collectors. She couldn’t stand their constant hounding and finally called them out for their behavior, which didn’t go down well.

More info: Reddit

Birthday gifting should be fun and simple, instead of an obligation that people want to escape

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The poster explained that her family started a club with 25 people, and that they’d collect $25 from everyone and give the collection to the birthday person

Image credits: picjumbo.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Over time, the fun birthday collection turned into an obligation because the leaders of the club would keep pestering people for money

Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / Freepik (not the actual photo)

Eventually, the poster got tired of the messages and confronted the club members by calling them a “debt-collection service”

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Only two people seemed to side with the poster, and other members gave her the silent treatment, which made her rethink her actions

The poster’s family must have started the birthday collection as a way to make their loved ones feel special by giving them a lump sum that they could use as they pleased. Over time, it must have become difficult for the club leaders to collect the money, which is why they started pestering folks all the time.

According to experts, the problem with having a group birthday gift is that someone always has to be the organizer and take charge of the process. It can be quite a daunting task because not everyone takes initiative, and there might be a need to keep following up with folks. This is probably what must have happened to OP’s club as well, considering they have 25 members.

The poster couldn’t deal with the birthday club’s constant messaging, and she felt annoyed that they acted like debt collectors. She noticed that they had taken to texting people even before the day started, just so that they could complete the money collection fast. This obviously took the joy out of the whole experience.

Once you take part in a tradition like this, it can be hard to opt out of it if you ever change your mind. Many people, especially in offices, feel obligated to contribute to other people’s birthday funds just so that they can maintain goodwill with the entire group. Unfortunately, if the process becomes too tiresome, it might mean it’s time to speak out about it or just take a step back.

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The OP finally decided to confront the club members and say what had been on her mind for a while. She told them that the fund collection was supposed to be a fun and family-oriented experience, and not the debt-collection service that it had become. This must have been a shocking message to receive, but it seemed to make the poster feel good in the moment.

After sending the message, only two people came out in support of what she had said, while others simply gave her the cold shoulder. That’s when the OP began to wonder if she had gone too far with the text and whether she should have said anything in the first place.

It’s definitely tough not to give in to peer pressure in situations like this, but the important thing is to actually stay true to yourself. Rather than compromising on your joy by contributing to a forced fund, it might make more sense to opt out and give the birthday person a meaningful gift on your own.

It’s clear that the birthday club’s purpose didn’t make sense to the poster anymore, so it’s probably good that she confronted its members. Hopefully, she decides on a new gifting tradition that sparks joy and doesn’t feel as forced as this one did.

Do you agree with how the OP stood up to her family? Let us know how you would have handled the situation if you were in her place.

Most folks sided with the poster and felt that the birthday tradition had become too forced