Immigrants Reveal 61 Social Customs That Were The Hardest For Them To Get Used To In The US

Grabbing coffee to-go, laughing so loud the windows tremble, and keeping your shoes on when walking into someone’s home don’t raise a single American brow. But it’s a whole different story if we are talking non-Americans who moved to the land of the free and are just getting used to things the American way.

So when one Reddit user put up a question “Non-Americans who moved to the US, what are some social customs that have been the hardest for you to get used to?” on r/AskReddit, people who left their native lands had a whole bunch of stuff to comment on.

From showing thumbs up, which is considered rude in foreign countries, to finding potluck dinners super odd, and realizing bidets are off the map, these are some of the most illuminating answers people shared.

#1

Tipping culture is so alien to me as an Australian. I always over-tipped because I was never sure — some people would react like I'd made their day for what I thought wasn't a big tip. Coincidentally, I forgot to tip a bartender once and I was made to feel like the worst person ever

Image credits: isometricbacon

#2

According to my parents, it was people giving them thumbs up.

In their country of origin, thumbs up = middle finger in the US. So they kept jumping thinking they were being flipped off by random people. Took years for them to get used to it and understand no one was trying to insult them.

Image credits: Master-Manipulation

#3

Saying "hi how are you?" to strangers and nobody actually answering the question.

The size of food serving when going out to eat.

Thanksgiving and black friday.

And lastly, the fact that every form I have to fill out, they ask my race.

I guess these are not technically social customs, or maybe they are, but I find all of the above very strange. Ugh, I'll never get used to living here.

Image credits: sick_sadlittleworld

#4

The crazy giant gaps in bathroom stalls. It drives me insane. My partner told me that it's there to prevent people from doing drugs/having sex. But I still don't understand why I need to see everyone while I poop.

I'm from Israel.

Image credits: adometze

#5

A friend of mine is Russian. Her parents came to Russia and were still getting used to America. In Russia when you are pulled over by the police you get of the car and walk over to them. Her dad got pulled over and so he got out and started walking towards them. He didn’t know you are supposed to stay in the car. He learned that lesson very quickly.
He didn’t die they didn’t even shoot at him. He did get arrested though.

Image credits: meh2557

#6

I'm from New Zealand.

Lack of vacation days.

Weird health system tied to employment.

Food portions.

Otherwise it is a pretty easy adjustment.

Image credits: SteveBored

#7

The work culture! You get so few vacation days and most people didn't use them all for fear of what it looks like. In the UK, if we don't use all our days, HR will normally ask us if everything is okay

Image credits: ObjectiveTumbleweed2

#8

Keeping my shoes on when walking into someone's home. I feel like a barbarian

Image credits: fidelkastro

#9

Sales tax not being included in the price (got pretty used to it after 4 years, but it still occasionally caught me off guard).

Healthcare bills.

Tailgating on highway (even people complaining about tailgaters were themselves often tailgating).

Porch sitting, people sitting on their porch and watching passers by.

Distances (drove coast to coast, I thought it would never end).

Most men being pretty knowledgable about cars.

Drive thru ATMs, never stopped being funny to me for some reason.

Image credits: bolyai

#10

There is a toot-your-own-horn culture here in my experience that I find hard to deal with, especially in the workplace. It's not usually a typical someone saying they're good at something, it's more about making themselves out to be better and top-dog.

I'm from the UK and I'd say we are kind of modest.

Also, writing the date, I just can't get used to writing it with the month first.

Image credits: Spiralstatic32

#11

Still blows my mind that healthcare isn't free, and people actually go bankrupt, legitimately bankrupt, from medical bills.

Image credits: graygreen

#12

Sounding like someone cares about you or your answers when they talk, when all they really care is following their scripts, for tip, sales revenue, door sales etc. The tipping culture. Why tell a burger costs $9.99 when with tax you are supposed to pay $11.25 and are supposed to tip at least 20% to not seem like a cheapskate? When the waitstaff works for under $3 a hour... just make it $15 and pay adequately, please

#13

Strangers asking you what church you go to. Or the rather competitive nature of religion here. It seems less important to actually believe and more important to let people know how much you believe.

Image credits: RCKJD

#14

The alcohol laws, in the UK you can drink in private from a very young age as long as you have parental consent and can have one beer/cider/glass of wine in a restaurant as long as you have a meal with it. In America, I tried to hand a pint to my Dad from a bar and the barman started shouting at me telling me to put it down because I wasn’t 21

Image credits: Finlay1308

#15

I still don't know how to get invited to parties, so there's that.

Also the drug TV ads with the long disclaimers while showing video of happy people living their lives. Really weird.

Image credits: Snoo_47873

#16

Pounds. Ounces. Feet. Miles. I could never get the hang of it.

Image credits: Pin-Weekly

#17

Not hugging, kissing on cheek, or handshake when saying hi to family. I’m from South America.

Image credits: hills2019

#18

Younger Ppl calling adults by (just) their first name. I'm from the Caribbean so can't help but referring to ppl as Mr or Ms. Even if Im familiar with them.

Image credits: R8em

#19

That Fahrenheit nonsense. I just never bothered to learn, always converted to Celsius, and then I ended up moving to Canada. I knew it would pay off to never learn.

Image credits: THIR13EN

#20

Very attentive customer service. It felt almost psychotic.

Image credits: seattleforge

#21

Saying "I'm Irish" but they haven't been to Ireland and neither have their parents.

Image credits: Big_Appointment1200

#22

That fake condescending voice people use. I'm not a toddler looking for his mama; talk like a normal person.

Image credits: SirBitcher

#23

Everyone waves. Wasn’t sure why. Did they think they knew me? Did they need help?

Image credits: I_Mow

#24

Here's another one:

The pride people have in being unhealthy, ignoring serious symptoms, proudly eating like crap, proudly not exercising. And yet having the most expensive health care system in the world and refusing to accept alternatives. "that's whack man"

Image credits: Barry_Boots

#25

My wife is an immigrant so I'll pass on that she struggled with.
The way many American families raise their children until age 18, then send them out the door to make it or beak it in the world. In many other countries, you never stop helping your children by paying for more education (Vo-Tech or college/university) and trying to avoid student loans, they always have a place to live free of rent, and are quite involved in everyday life of the parents, even if just by phone.

#26

Pledge of allegiance. There's literally no other country that I've ever been to that does this! This is so strange and I feel so uncomfortable whether or not I do it.

Using the word "patriotic" in a good way. Seriously, I'd always thought it meant "blindly loving your country and think it's the best", which that definition would fit a lot of Americans better.

Image credits: thoughtsmachine

#27

Not a social custom, but when i returned from my study abroad in Europe back to the US, I realized how enormous everything is here. The houses, cars, stores, drinks, food portions, and unfortunately many of the people.

#28

I moved to Minnesota two years ago. At first I thought I would make friends super easy because people where really friendly but I soon learnt that nobody wanted to make friends. I was mistaking people’s inquisitive nature and need to overshare for genuine friendship foundation laying. I’m from the UK and usually if someone asks you for a beer and chat they want to get to know you, here in the US I’m just an interesting story to tell their real friends about. I found this upsetting at first, but I stopped caring and I did actually make a few good friends in the end.

#29

Carpet everywhere. I thought at first I had that beige, slightly too fluffy standard-issue carpet in my first apartment because it was cheap and in a [crappy] area. Moved to a nicer place, still carpet. Visited relatives who have a really nice 5BR house in the best part of town: the same carpet! Add to that what someone already posted, that people don't take their shoes off, I am still bewildered. And don't get me started on the carpet at high traffic public spaces, like banks, offices, and even /airports/! What. The. Fudge.

Image credits: ssatyd

#30

The politicization of everything

#31

If you don't pronounce words exactly like Americans do they just flat out don't understand. My native language is English but I have to pronounce thirty in a very specific way for it not to be interpreted as fifty. In general Americans are very ignorant of phrases from other parts of the world (more so than other countries) and struggle to make the connection unless it's an American phrase.

#32

The lack of irony in general. And the way most people take themselves very very seriously. Don’t get me wrong, life is hard (especially in the US), but I’ve met VERY few people in the US who can make fun at their own expense - which is considered the norm where I’m from. Not saying one is better that the other - just the biggest difference for me

#33

People saying they will pray for me. Either in aggression to insult me by saying I need to be prayed for (as sometimes I can be an a-hole or a victim of prejudice). Or, they are trying to be empathetic when told of a sad/unfortunate situation. Of course, I don't ever doubt that they'll remember.

Image credits: Zooty007

#34

How hard it is to make friends in the USA. It seemed pretty easy from where I came (Europe), but after 20 years in the USA, I still don't have friends here.

Image credits: Snaggy4

#35

Town and school spirit are a very big thing here. No one takes high school sports this seriously back in my old school in India

Image credits: nannydee08

#36

I'm Canadian and the few times I've been to the states it surprised me how many Americans eavesdrop on conversations then insert themselves into it like they were there the whole time.

Image credits: mythosmaester

#37

How it's not normal to take the piss out of your friends and even causal acceptances

Image credits: dsteere2303

#38

Talking about the price of gas as a greeting. Just straight up walk to someone with different plates. "Oh hey. You're from Iowa? What's a gallon cost?" "2.044; better than you guys." "Well yeah, it's Cali. You're lucky to find $3.044!" Laughs.

I'm from Canada and this is like us asking each other about the weather.. It's goddamn fascinating to watch happen.

Image credits: Tormz1569

#39

if someone tells a story about something bad/good that happened to them, another member of the group has to tell a ridiculous story that is worse/better.

#40

Americans love pets like their own families. Kissing dogs on the mouth, sharing bowls with dogs, and so on

#41

As a woman when I first moved to the US, I felt like there was something wrong with me because I didn’t do my nails, or color my hair, or wear makeup like my friends did. The way I grew up, women who were not celebrities didn’t do stuff like that at that frequency. I felt like maybe I wasn’t feminine enough because those things seemed so tied to femininity.

Image credits: mokshmoon

#42

Being extremely loud and extroverted at all times. Making sure my voice echoes loudly even when talking with someone right next to me. That's the hardest to get used to because I come from a modest place.

Image credits: AppropriateFile0

#43

They don't have a bidet!!!!! I don't know how all these centuries have washed their asses! I can't live without a bidet, I never realized how essential it was to my life, my hygiene, and my comfort until I arrived in the USA and I realized that they have nowhere to wash their ass !!! Of course, there is the shower but the bidet is a thousand times better

Image credits: Catebriela

#44

That an appetizer is an entree & an entree is a main.

#45

It is impossible to have a conversation about anything not being perfect in this country without people going ‘oh but in China it is so much worse’ ‘oh but it is like that everywhere in the world’, ‘we are the beacon of democratic light’, or similar.

Most commonly from people who effectively know very little about the rest of the world, and take their own propaganda as knowledge.

#46

Billboards with lawyers to hire - everywhere.

#47

Homelessness

Talking/asking about money

Asking you what you do for work

#48

The TV ads claiming to support your arthritis but a side effect is death.

#49

For me the weirdest thing are hands down hugging people. In Europe we kiss on the cheek (but most of the times it’s really kissing the air) and I can’t get used to people squeezing me and feeling their warm body against mine. As an introvert and shy person, it’s absolute hell.

Image credits: crypticsquidbuggybug

#50

Calling their country America

#51

Co-workers coming in without greeting, or not replying to greetings.

#52

As a guy, sports. American sports. It is the language of men and I just can't fit in. I love sports but my sports are very much European, which is football (soccer). Been here 36 years and I still don't get American football, baseball, or basketball, although I can watch basketball at a pinch.

#53

Dating. It was strange for me to learn that dating in the US follows a pretty strict schedule that defines what happens on which date, you spend lot’s of time before to fancy up, and it’s the guy's job to pick up the girl from her home and bring her back afterward. And of course, pay for everything…

#54

Flags everywhere.

Asking how we're doing rhetorically and being burdened by having to listen to the answer.

Bragging about working while being sick as a dog

Bragging about avoiding doctors/medical care

MLMs

#55

Month/Date/Year instead of the logical Date/Month/Year

#56

My first week in the country I went to a house party where I said c*nt casually in conversation. I’m not joking when I say everyone stopped their conversations and stared at me. One girl was properly glaring at me and then told me to apologize to the person I was talking about. Cue my Australian friend starting to piss herself and both of us having to explain to a room full of people that it wasn’t meant offensively.

#57

Small talks. In my country, when I walk into a coffee shop, I say three words. Here, people take being friendly to another level. In a small town in Oklahoma, when I was filling up on gas on a road trip, a random middle-aged woman looked at me, smiled, and said "how are you?" I got so confused.

#58

Celebratory gunfire on national holidays anyone?

#59

I've been living in the US for over 10 years now and the salad fork is still weird.

#60

I’ve been to restaurants where everyone has multiple drinks and then hops in cars and drives home. I was at a NASCAR event where people were full-on drunk and their friends were joking that he was the designated driver.

#61

Store employees and waiters asking you if you want anything. No matter how long I'm here, it still feels weird and vaguely rude to me (though I know it isn't meant to be).

On a lighter note, guessing which foods would be too sweet for me was fun. I still remember the one, and last, time that I bought canned beans in tomato sauce :D