42 People Share The Most Toxic Things A Parent Can Say To Their Child

One third of Americans regret their life choices and wish they could do things differently. But big things start small. Many of us do regret the words we uttered, things we said to people, especially to those who are closest to us.

It’s no secret that words have power to heal, but they can also hurt deeply. Especially when you’re at your most vulnerable, still being a kid with the vast world waiting to be explored. Things our parents say shape us in profound ways, some good, some inherently harmful.

So people on r/AskReddit are now sharing the things that should never, ever be said to children. From divorced parents screwing up their kid’s mind with manipulation to telling them they’re “useless,” the answers on the thread are cruel enough while being read, let alone being said to a small kid.

#1

"you don't have the right to privacy", "you are a child, you have no rights", "at least I'm putting a roof over your head", "I wish I never had you".

#2

"I am not asking you do to it, it is an order!" "Why did I give birth to you?" "I wish you were never born." "You are ruining my life." or "You ruined my life." "How dare you disobey me." "You are a disappointment." Or any insult tbh. Or comparing you to other kids, or to your siblings.

#3

In my experience, any time divorced parents say stuff like: 'Don't talk about that to your [other parent],' 'Tell your [other parent] this,' or 'Your [other parent] is trying to manipulate you.' It really screws with the kid's head.

#4

Constantly comparing you with your older siblings and giving you extremely different treatment. It makes you feel inferior to them and like no matter how much you try or do, it will never be enough.

#5

'So you're saying that I'm a bad parent' in response to any form of help-seeking or constructive criticism was the worst for me.

#6

I think probably the most toxic thing a parent can say to a child is any form of, 'Nobody will ever love you as much as I do' or 'I'm the only one who really loves you.' It's the psychological equivalent of a bear trap. Its purpose isn't just to hurt the kid, but to keep them from ever leaving.

#7

Any time your mom talks about how much she weighed when she was your age. 'When I was your age, I weighed 98 pounds.'

#8

I gave up everything I liked for you

95? Why not 100?

why can't you be like so and so's child, they do 'one impressive thing'

#9

Trash talking about the other parent, then comparing you to them. 'You’re just like your father!'

#10

Making fun of your kid for making a change in their life for the better. I was always anti-social and the complete opposite of athletic. When I began to try and work out to gain some muscle, I got teased by my parents. All that did was discourage me and make me want to quit.

#11

'It's all in your head/you are just imagining it.' As it turned out, I wasn't imagining it and now I struggle to differentiate between what's real and what's not because I was led to believe I was imagining things constantly.

#12

My drunken father once told me, "You'll never be the man that I am." I remember thinking, "You're damn right I won't be."

#13

Life would be better without you. You are the reason for our misery.

#14

I wish you were never born

#15

As your mother, I have to love you, but sometimes I really don’t like you.

#16

We had you so your brother would have someone to play with.

#17

I never wanted to have kids with your dad. He forced me to have you.

#18

'You’re being dramatic' or 'Quit being emotional', 'why are you being difficult', 'you make things so hard on me', 'someone else has it worse so stop crying'.

#19

When I was 11 I overheard my mother telling someone that at least my looks meant she didn’t have to worry about me being molested or raped. That [screwed] me up for years.

#20

"You're the reason why your dad and I almost divorced."

#21

'I'm going to throw myself off a building, you all hate me anyway.'

And a hundred variations of that.

#22

That You are a burden they never wanted

#23

my mum told me i deserved nothing in life because i forgot to do the dishes before she came home lol

#24

“We had you so you could donate organs/plasma etc to your sibling” like that film my sisters keeper.

#25

"We think you'll be pregnant before you turn 18." This was when I was 15 and still a virgin.

#26

My dad once told me he missed when I was a little kid, because back then I was dependent on him and couldn't say no.

I told that to a psychiatrist and her eyes damn near fell out of her face.

#27

I wish you were the one who died not your father.

#28

My mother told me when I was 8, that nobody likes a fat girl. I wasn't even really overweight. That and many other things she said and did made me develop an eating disorder...at the age of 8. More than 30 years later, and a lot more mental abuse, I still struggle with the whole eating thing.

#29

I have a list.

I wish I aborted you too.

I wish I put you up for adoption.

List all the bad things about dad and then immediately tell me I look/act just like him.

What did I do to deserve such a disrespectful child why couldn't I have a good one? (I was not a bad kid at all, always home, cleaning the house, cooking for her, good grades, people pleaser, etc.)

She wonders why I never talked to her about big things happening in my life, why I put 5,000 miles in-between us, and why I haven't returned home for almost 10 years.

#30

"I'm glad that you're adopted it reminds me that you don't have my dna" "you're not a part of this family" and even in early years like 6 and 7 years old "you're not special. You are nothing and never will be something!"

#31

My mom laughed at me when I said that I most likely have a mental illness or a disorder. Then she asked me if my grades were okay and I said yes, then she replied that it's okay.

I've been asking her to get me therapy for almost 7 years now :)

#32

When I was like 7 or something my dad told me I’d never get a job because of my [bad] appearance.

I wore a sock inside out.

#33

"I understand but I don't respect you" - My mother after I came out twice. Some people think that's not a big deal. It is huge and it f***ing hurts so much.

#34

The classics frrom my work as a voluntary Wellbeing counsellor:

"Why do you always make me sad?" or "Now you've made me sad."

"I wanted a better/nicer child."

"You don't really want this. I know you. You want {insert whatever parent wants}."

"I'm so disappointed now." + combined with silent treatment and/or crying.

#35

That i'm useless and can't do [stuff] because I couldn't open a jar of tomato sauce for my mom at 1am

#36

"You're a useless disappointment" "Do you think you'll ever amount to anything?" "You're pathetic." "You're like a tiny little ant-- I could destroy you so easily." "I don't deserve you. I'm too good of a parent for you." "You're an abuser."

#37

after i got accepted to my dream college my mom told me i’m too stupid to actually go and succeed. i graduated high school with honors. but i thought she was right. i dropped out before i even went. still regret it

#38

"Look 'x' kid is doing it better than you"

"Look that kid is 'x' year old and they can do it"

#39

"i kicked your mom out and i can kick you out as well."

#40

Insulting your intelligence is a horrible thing for a parent to do. Something where if a friend or stranger had said it you might just laugh/shrug it off, but your own parent saying it? A good parent should stay away from anything that can ruin your self esteem because they hold a lot more power than they tend to realize.

#41

"I'm tired of pretending to love you."

#42

Saying 'okay' over and over again for years and years. Any accomplishment, any trial passed, any challenge won — just 'okay.'